One day I just want to…

I just wanna walk in the rain and cry..
Cry for all the times I held my tears in cause I was too scared what people would think..
Cry for all the times I was too tired and busy to have a good cry..
Cry for all the times that I was hurt hey..and when I was too stressed..
When I didn’t know what to do..and I thought there was no solution to the problem..
That’s what I want to do once..
So that I cry soooo much that I can’t cry anymore!
Just so that…
I will cleanse myself from my past…and never cry again…and happiness prevails..
That’s what I want to do one day..

good bye

It all started with a look,
That deep fiery look,

That touch, how warm it was.
That voice, how deep it was.
That ear, that heard more than any other. How beautiful it heard.
Those eyes, would burn into your conscious!

The hope of eternity, in those hands.

But as time went by…
A minute that felt like a year,
An hour that felt like eternity,

It was all gone. . . .

He was gone…

Without a trace…

And I sit there,
With only the hope, of what could’ve been…

As the days,
As the months,
Go
By…..
Those few hours are what I feed on…
To
Survive. The bright mornings and dark nights…
Each day reminds me of what could have been…

The memories of a touch, feels like wind,
The memories, of their voice, sounds like thunder,
The brightness in their eyes, like rage….

How could it be?
How could I be?
So stupid,
To believe,
He’d fall for me?

I guess, the truth is, love is a nasty game,
The type that your heart plays, to make u feel…
That u
Just
Simply
Dont
belong.

But as time goes,
Your memories, I hope,
Will fade away,
Just
Like
you slipped out my life.
With no hope,
With nothing but a memory.

P.S. my love,
You have taught me a great lesson.
That I:
Should not be,
As stupid enough,
To let my heart,
Give in so easily.

And as I say,
My final…
Fare
well

A part of me will hope,
against all odds, that you will find me once again.

For a part of me, will love you.

So let me be,
Let me pretend, it was all a fantasy,
In my dreams,

And u can stay trapped in my heart, as I bury away what’s made of steel.
Until I find the strength,
To
Say…
He never meant…..
Anything!

A book is always your best friend, your closest companion for life…

I have read numerous novels, ranging in genres. I might not be the best person to judge a book. But I am now a lover of all books. I had spent the first half of my life hating the idea of sitting through a book. However, as I grew older I found that Charles W. Eliot was right when he said: “Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.” 

Below you will find a list of some of the books that stood out to me and why I like or dislike them. They will be broken up into genres.

Autobiographies:

“My Story” by Dave Pelzer.

I had read this book when I was still young. I will never forget the impact it had on my life, years later I see something that reminds me of this heart warming tale. My story made me appreciate my own parents. Made me realize that the small fights that take place in my life are not as bad as they could be. It made me realize, that you might have the worst possible childhood, but if you realize that you can change your future- anything is possible.

“Starting out: My story so far” by Alastair Cook.

I actually don’t know why I bought this book. I went through the England Cricket team obsession and I thought I might as well start reading their autobiographies. I think, this was one of the most boring autobiographies I have ever read. The storyline was so boring, it was as if I was reading about walking or helping a sheep give birth. There where parts that where inspirational, like Cook waking up in the mornings to train even when it was freezing cold. But other than that it was generally boring. Lets hope if he includes his wedding and the Ashes triumph down under from the dressing room perspective, it might be worth reading.

“The Glass Castle” by Jeannette Walls.

This is one of my favorite autobiographies yet. It is almost like Dave Pelzer’s, but it has a female touch. Brilliantly written and a must read, for any growing girl in her teens.

“To the Point” by Herschelle Gibbs.

I have a whole separate blog on it.

__________________________

I am proud to say I am the biggest self help junky.

Self-help

“Why Men Love Bitches” by Sherry Argov.

One of my personal favorite relationship books. In its quirky manner, it tells you that basically everything you have ever done at least once in a relationship was silly and wrong.  Why men Love Bitches tells you what to do in any situation. It teaches you how to keep the man you want, and what to do when things get tough.

“How to Walk in High Heels” by Camilla Morton.

There is nothing else to say other than. Read this book. Give this book as a present to ANYONE that is entering the “suit” world. It teaches you from how to get ready in 5 minutes and the meaning of your nail polish to how to use a computer.

“The Book of five Rings” by Miyamoto Musashi.

You always hear about “the art of war” but after reading both these books, I have to say, “The book of Five Rings” is much better. In this book, you learn how to think strategically. Although it speaks about swordsmanship; if you analyze the inner meaning you learn how to pull a bluff and win in whatever you are doing, easily. This is for anyone in a competitive environment that needs help to win, without letting the competitor know their moves.

“One Day my soul just opened up” by Iyanla Vanzant.

Iyanla is my mentor. My hero. After watching the show “starting over” I discovered Iyanla and her greatness. “One Day my soul just opened up” is the best self-help book I have ever read. I don’t have much problems, other than holding grudges and not moving on. However, in this book Iyanla takes you on a 40 day journey in which she helps you let go of things that once hurt you forgive, move on and discover you are worthy of love again. It does not impose a religious perspective on you, but she does give you daily exercises to keep the teaching of the day and practice what she wants you to learn. A must read for those who cannot let go, need patience etc.

___________

My Favorite Genre of all:

Classics:

“Othello” by William Shakespeare.

Othello is my all time favorite Shakespearean play. I have read it countless times, not only for educational purposes, but because I enjoyed it so much. Although the writing is hard to understand, the plot is one of greatness. Not only is it set in my home country of Cyprus, it is most relevant to this day and age. At least once in our lives we meet an Iago that “wear[s] my [his] heart upon my [his] sleeve for doves to peck at it I am [he is] not what I am [he is].” our trust in people is so pure that they take us for granted, and use us.

“Moll Flanders” by Daniel Defoe.

I enjoyed reading this (perhaps one of the first books ever written). The tribulations Moll experienced throughout her life are so many counting the hairs on my head will be adequate enough to count how many problems she faced. Certain shocking discoveries take place that shock the reader. Moll Flanders not only steals in the book she also steals your heart and your hate.

 

“Sense and Sensibility” by Jane Austen.

One of my favorite Jane Austen books.  Sense and Sensibility teaches you, that sometimes the one you are meant to be with is right under your nose.

“Wuthering Heights” by Emily Bronte.

This novel, was an easy read and thoroughly enjoyable. I do however believe that if you read and enjoy Wuthering Heights you will believe, just as I do, that Charlotte Bronte’s book surpasses its greatness. The heart warming Wuthering Heights is for any romantic, that believes love is eternal and two destined lovers might be separated in life, but in death they are together.

“Jane Eyer” by Charlotte Bronte.

My most favorite classic yet. This is a heart warming story. Well written. Easily understandable, and most certainly tear wrenching. To talk about it, does it no justice.

____________________

“The God of Small things” by Arundhati Roy.

A brilliant read and one of my most loved stories. This novel is in a genre of its own. The story is touching and realistic. It teaches you of societies taboos in India and how certain situations cause life long problems. Although the pages are in black and white, the story brings colors to life. The themes are colorful and childlike.

__________________________________

This next genre is one of the most newly 21st century type:

Post-Modernism:

“Exodus” by Julie Bertagna.

This is a novel that although was shortlisted for “The Whitbread Children’s Book of the year Award.” It is just as entertaining for adults. After reading it years ago, re-reading it as an adult it is still entertaining. This novel is relevant for today’s times, of global warming, and the possibility of what life will be like after there is no more land. This is a must read for young teenagers.

“Saturday” by Ian McEwan.

My most favorite post-modern novel. I cannot bear to do it an injustice and talk about the storyline. Once again the author amazes us with majestic characters that come to life, during a period of confusion.

Love is really blind…

When we believe we have strong feelings of “love” for someone, we tend to do the most ridiculous things imaginable. We try the most unbelievable things to get that person to return those feelings. The type of things that after an epiphany, result in us feeling completely embarrassed.

Once we realise that those feelings of “love” where actually feelings of pure lust, we just feel so silly. We tell our friends if we do anything along those lines again- they must just SLAP us!

After the epiphany, you see things more clearly. You see that, who you thought looked like a god/goddess, is actually not that handsome. They have a big nose, small eyes, big feet etc.

After completing the list of every fault they might have had. You go into a phase of “what on earth was I thinking”, and “oh my word!!! I cannot believe I “loved” him.” To add to these feelings you think to yourself, what an idiot I must’ve been, to stay up all night to watch and support them, what an idiot I was to believe that something might happen, when the signs where right there, slapping you in the face: “HELLO, I don’t know you and I’m not interested in you…”

I guess when you fooled by what appears to be strong feelings, you don’t see what is really there in front of you.

who is man’s best friend?

We all spend our lives looking for someone to understand us. A lover, a friend, a helping hand- someone. We watch the movies, we read the books…so we look for a relationship that will mimic it.

We spend our lives trying to be understood, by someone. Aristotle once said “a friend is a single soul dwelling in 2 bodies.” I have to disagree. There are something’s you cannot tell your friend. Some friends steal your partners. Some friends use you when they need you. How about all the times you tell them something in confidence and the whole world finds out about it a few hours later. Therefore, you cannot share everything with your friends, it would just be- impossible!

I might disagree with sharing a soul with your friend, but I do believe friends come into our lives at different times and in different forms. We have our pets, that rely on us, that are there for us, when the world turns its back on us. We have our parents or guardians that are also there for us no matter what we do. We might find someone accidentally, someone we have never met before, someone who has so much in common with us, we instantly feel a connection to. We feel as if we’ve known them for years. Although you’ve never met, you can tell them your innermost thoughts and feelings.

Then we have the people we have known for years. The people we grew up with, we know they not the most trustworthy, yet we appreciate them and socialize with them in a way that makes you almost friends.

Then we have the friends that have been there for you through everything. The friends you have been there for too. Those are your true friends. The ones you will never forget and will never forget you. The ones that will always be just a phone call away. That person who loves and respects you for who you are.

We might be looking for that fairy tale friendship and miss out on the ones that are most important. We might lose friends, but we had them at times when we or they needed help the most. That will keep the friendship bond alive, no matter what happens in the future.

Feel it….its here….well….almost!

Its here! Its almost here!! 3 hours till the long awaited Ashes begin…

Once the players walk onto that field- its over! They cannot go back for that extra practice, they cannot stop time- their future is in their hands now! All that the rest of us can do; is- sit- back- and- enjoy!

You might want to jump onto the field and catch the damn ball Cook might have dropped! You might want to jump onto the field to stop the stumps from being hit causing KP to be out for a 99! You might just wanna jump onto the field and catch Swann’s 6th wicket! You just can’t- the England Cricket teams fate in these Ashes is in their hands and their hands alone! The only jumping that will be done will be for a wicket, a catch that was dropped, or a wicket that looked like a 6! Not to mention the sprinkler that has hit the fans like crazy!

The heart pumping, adrenalin pumping ashes are almost here- and as the start approaches. I don’t think the players are the only ones that spent a sleepless night- all the real England cricket fans cannot sleep from the excitement!

Once they go out there- the preparations end- the real thing is in front of them! The sacred urn is at stake! The hope of a country is in those hands! Those capable hands have the ability to bring unity and pride to their country- to their families! They know their destination and how to get there, the question is however do they have what it takes- to win the “war?”

They can, they will, they are worthy of winning! That is the attitude that can keep the ashes where it belongs! They might believe it- they might want it, they might be worthy of it, but fate is nasty occasionally, for it to be a fact that we are to win the ashes!

As we enter into the ashes with the upper hand- there is only one thing that shouldn’t stay far from ones mind. The ball is round and the underdog should never be underestimated! We can win, we have the man power to win- the rest is up to the cricket gods.

Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust; may England keep the Ashes under their trust.

“Why keep quite when you can offer words of encouragement!” – Herschelle Gibbs, “To the point”

Pre-comment: this is a book not for the faint hearted, the ones that cannot bear to listen to the truth! This book, might be a bit hard for the non-South Africans, to understand certain words.

After the release of the long awaited biography of Herschelle Gibbs, I entered the book shop with certain expectations as to whether it will be as good as they say.

I enter the book shop, go to the new releases section. I see a number of people crowded around the shelf, what do I see? A number of copies flying off the shelf and others standing around and reading a bit about it.

I pushed through, grabbed a copy and drove as fast as possible to come home to read it. With various comments from friends saying- “I never liked him”, “he is overrated” amongst other things. Being a firm believer in freedom of expression and opinion I thought to myself perhaps they right- let me take a look and once I read the book I will evaluate him accordingly. It was thus evident that had I confessed to my friends that I would buy the book they would rip me to pieces- little did I know…

I open the book. I read the first chapter, and the book didn’t seem that fantastic. As the chapters progress. The book seems to come to life. The quirky, humorous, straight forward tone grips you and so does your grip on the book.

As I reached the end of the book, which took me about 3 hours to finish. Once you finally end up finishing the book you keep flipping pages so as to find a hidden chapter- a continuation to the book. You get a little disappointed and ponder on what you already read to un-code anything you might have missed

I looked back at it, as to what exactly was the meaning, the underlining evaluation, how the book benefited me. I look at the circumstances which where pointed out and emphasised. I thus came to my own conclusion as to who on earth is this public figure that was in the newspapers with more scandal than Jacob Zuma.

My evaluation? Well after being a stern Gibbs follower from the Hansi days, a follower on twitter with numerous random conversations, I reached my verdict.

Gibbs is a man, that enjoyed life to the fullest. A man that because he loved life so much happened to find himself in sticky situations. A man, that had a heart bigger than his logic.

After looking closely at the situation that made him seem so terrible, the match-fixing scandal, and hearing his perspective it made me realise. This is a man who follows his conscious, a man who does what he does for his family. A man who loves his family so much he helps them whenever he can. I still don’t understand why journalists never showed this side- then again, they do what they do to sell a few papers, but anyway.

If you try evaluate Gibbs, not only does he love so deeply that he is willing to sacrifice his own love so that he does not hurt you anymore than he already has. He is/was a very generous man.

I personally believe that he was so much a victim of the media because of his open nature. A nature, not many people understand. A nature people take for granted. If you don’t understand the straight forward nature- you will never understand the person possessing such a nature. There is a saying in my family in Cyprus that says: trust the person who speaks and is open about their feelings, they are more likely to never hurt you on purpose.

Like Gibbs said, he was not a great student. But you don’t need letters and an education to be wise. You don’t need to be educated to be loved, and to love. You don’t need to be educated to live your life to the fullest. Then again Socrates did say “he knows nothing” and he was a wise philosopher.

Every man has their weakness. Every man falls to their weakness. What makes you great is getting up, realising your mistake. Rubbing off the scars and dust and starting over. No one is perfect. If you show that you will change, you change who and what you are- with the right willpower and strength.

After reading this book, every Gibbs critic will not only forgive any transgression’s. But also have respect for him and see him as not just another joker. Not just as another famous cricket player.

Every comment, every issue you have and you tweet it to him, he will always have a reply, some form of inspiration, even a comment. Perhaps “Why keep quite when you can offer words of encouragement..” Is his approach to not only all his team mates but to people in general. I personally have not come accross another public figure that has the time for his fans. Every. Single. One. Of them.

Once I finished the book, I switched my phone on. I received numerous sms’s from friends saying “did you know Gibbs’ book is out? Will you read it?” After I told them, I just finished it… Their responses seemed to come along the lines of “don’t f**k with me? Seriously? And? How was it? Can I borrow it soon? What message did it give you?” (Please note, the same critics who called him names before and they haven’t even read it).
My response…when you read it…you will find your own meaning…

At one point he says “you can play cricket a lot longer than rugby or football..it was wise council even though it was hard to hear it..” That sentences made a difference to me. That sentence, made the book what it is, from that quote it gave me the meaning that sometimes we have no choice, we have to take what life gives and make the best of it. We have to take it because in the future we will appreciate the road life gave us, for it was sent to us for a reason!

My advice? If you are willing to hear the truth, to understand politics behind South African cricket and the players- this is the book. Find your own meaning. Don’t judge a book by its cover, you never know the true story behind the person.